Stop trying to change your partner

I know there’s something about your significant other that really bothers you. Don’t worry I won’t tell them, it’s like that in every relationship. How could it not be? No one is perfect.

And of course, like the true loving person you are, you’ve accepted them for all the person that they are right?  Nah, I’m kidding, of course you’ve tried to change them!

Here’s the thing, I’m here to persuade you not to. Not because of some delusional phrase like “true love conquers all”, but because it’s a waste of energy, it will stress you out, push them away, and may not even work.

But they could change.

Yeah, they could, anything is possible, but will they? Probably not. Changing a fundamental part of your character is tough. Most people can’t be bothered to make the huge amount of effort needed to change. They’ve lived their whole life that way, so do you think they will find it easy to change now, or even want to change? We’ve all been fed lies by romantic comedies like “if they love me enough they’d change for me”. That’s a nice thought, it’s utter BS, but it’s a nice thought.  They might really want to change for you, but they won’t because they don’t know how to, or they just find it too hard.

Why should I just put up with them? It’s their problem, they should change.

Hey, I’m not saying you should settle, if you don’t want to be with someone with those flaws then don’t stay with them.  Just don’t waste your time and effort trying to change them first.

So if they won’t change, then what?

Well, in that case, you face two choices:

  • You find a way to deal with this flaw in their character
  • You leave them

You need to stop putting effort into trying to change that person, or waiting for them to change because there is a very good chance they won’t.

If this flaw bothers you then why are you with this person? If it honestly bothers you this much that you’ve tried to change your partner, then consider are you really right for each other?

If it’s not a deal breaker, then learn to deal with it.  Focus on the stuff you can actually control: yourself and how you deal with your partner’s shortcomings. It will be more productive than trying to change them.

What do you think? Have you tried to change your other half? Leave a comment below


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